Showing posts with label Christ and Eros. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christ and Eros. Show all posts

Friday, August 07, 2015

Erotic gay soul explored in two new illustrated books: "HomoEros" and "Internal Landscapes"

“The beauty of his face could raise the dead” by John Waiblinger from “HomoEros

Male beauty, same-sex eroticism and the archetypal gay soul are explored with holy authenticity in two new illustrated books: “HomoEros” by John Waiblinger and Chad Mitchell, and “Internal Landscapes” by John Ollom. The most direct Christian symbolism is expressed by Mitchell, whose poetry in “HomoEros” celebrates Christ the Bridegroom, the Sacred Heart, and the Son of Man. A full poem is posted at the end of this article to illustrate the quality of the writing and the book’s blissful tone.

Both books feature photography of semi-nude men and nature, prose steeped in Jungian psychology, and first-person poetry about gay love. Each transforms and transcends mainstream Christianity as well as standard gay/queer identity. They create enlightening, sometimes mystical visions for readers who seek LGBTQ-friendly intimacy and inspiration.

In “HomoEros,” Mitchell’s poems echo the rich tradition of mystical marriage in the medieval church the Biblical Song of Songs, where the Lover and Beloved are metaphors for God and Israel or Christ and the church. His verse can be read as worldly love songs or as prayers to the cosmic Christ. He also puts Christ in a broader context with references to various mythological figures such as Apollo and the Sky Father.

John Ollom carries Matthew Stone in a photo from “Internal Landscapes.” The scene comes from the “Men in Love… with each other” video art project. Photographer: Jim Sable. Art direction: Emma McCagg.

“Internal Landscapes” is more about un-learning what Ollom calls “Judeo-Christian body shame surrounding sexual expression.” But both books are religious in the sense that Mitchell eloquently defines in his introduction to “HomoEros”:

“The real meaning and real work of religion is the actual “re-linking” (or religio) of our individual conscious awareness to the immaterial reality of the greater truth.”

The two books come from first-time authors working independently on opposite coasts, with no knowledge of each other’s efforts. Yet both books state specifically that they seek to express man-to-man “love and longing,” giving artistic form to “internal” realities based on Jungian-inspired archetypes. They even have similar covers with a nude man in shadow against a black background.

“HomoEros: Meditations on Gay Love and Longing” is a collaboration between two Los Angeles artists: Writer Chad Mitchell has spent many years in Jungian-based dream analysis. The odes and lamentations in the book come from his personal journal, which he has kept since his early years of studying history and language at California State University, Northridge. His writing draws on the language and symbolism of his Catholic upbringing. Digital artist John Waiblinger has exhibited his work at galleries in Los Angeles and elsewhere in the United States and United Kingdom. He began his artistic endeavors in midlife after discovering digital tools that enabled him to translate his ideas into visual form. Mitchell is described in the book as a Sufi Christian and Waiblinger calls himself an atheist. “While I am in no sense religious, there are so many aspects of the Christ mythos that I find quite moving and beautiful” Waiblinger writes.

In contrast, John Ollom is a New York dancer, choreographer and dance teacher. Since 2002 he has served as artistic director of Ollom Movement Art/Prismatic Productions, Inc., a non-profit organization. Raised Christian, he received a master of fine arts degree in interdisciplinary art in 2014 from Goddard College in rural Vermont and a bachelor of fine arts degree in ballet in 1998 from Texas Christian University. His dancing has taken him across the United States and to Europe, Africa and China. He even performed at the Metropolitan Opera House with the Bolshoi Ballet. Ollom has also worked with LGBT venues: His “M.U.D. (Men Under Dirt)” piece was performed at the Leslie-Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art in New York City, the Soulforce Anti-Heterosexism Conference in Florida and the Easton Mountain Retreat Center in upstate New York.

Each book takes a unique approach and will be discussed in separate sections here.


“HomoEros: Meditations on Gay Love and Longing”


HomoEros: Meditations on Gay Love and Longing” sexualizes the sacred and elevates eroticism to the realm of the divine.

At first glance Waiblinger’s pictures appear to be evocative, romanticized photos of conventionally handsome men, skillfully superimposed with flowers, leaves, planets, windows, and other images, mostly from nature. Reading his introductory remarks reveals that they come from his project “Art of Re-Envisioning Gay Pornography.”

Yes, “HomoEros” takes the startling approach of mixing gay porn with phrases from the Roman Catholic Mass. The juxtaposition of extremes results in an effective effort to reconcile gay sexuality and spirituality.

Waiblinger’s artistic process begins with collecting photos of men from “hard porn” websites. In the introdction he describes how he crops each image and layers it with his own original photos to “capture an internal moment… and present the reality of how I see it in my mind’s eye.”

Mitchell’s poems in “HomoEros” began as entries in his journal, chronicling his struggle as a gay man to become a whole person. They express his belief that the gay spiritual journey is a quest for union with “an archetypal Soul Figure of the same gender.” While he was journaling he became involved in gay-centered depth psychology and studied Carl Jung’s treatise “Transformation Symbolism in the Mass,” which is included in the Jung collection “Psychology and Western Religion.” He also began attending Mass regularly at a traditional Catholic church in his neighborhood. There it dawned on Mitchell that gay-male love and sexual union are archetypal expressions of the union with Christ that is celebrated in the Eucharist. These profound insights shine through his poetry.

Most of the images and text in “HomoEros” were created before Waiblinger and Mitchell met, but their work blends together seamlessly. In their conclusion they described working together as a “magical process” in which “these images and words established their own connections and ordering in an almost self-directed manner, full of synchronicity and unexpected rhythm.”

The large, 8-1/2-by-11-inch book is elegantly designed with lavish use of white space, as shown in this example.

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Iconography meets pornography in a satisfying synthesis with “HomoEros,” but it also raises moral questions about adapting photos from an industry associated with sexual exploitation and human trafficking.

“My intent is to re-imagine the performers in the original pornographic image in a way that romanticizes and humanizes them and transforms my original connection with the image in a highly emotional manner,” Waiblinger explained in a statement that he shared with the Jesus in Love Blog.

Most images in “HomoEros” do not look pornographic, at least to the uninitiated eye. There are some man-to-man embraces and only a few images with obvious frontal nudity, tastefully presented. As Waiblinger puts it, there is much more “kiss” than “cock.” His kind of “transformative” use of copyrighted images is legal under the “fair use” doctrine, even as it blurs the boundaries that divide sanctity from obscenity and outlaw sex.

“Whenever possible, when I've used such an image or snip, I have made a paid subscription to the site in question, and verified the statement on the site that the models are verified to be over 18 years of age. Not using images of minors, or using images that are exploitive in the sense that the performers did not agree to be so captured, is of critical importance to me,” his statement says.

Waiblinger’s stated aim is to “humanize” the men in his photos, and yet they remain nameless, cut off from any identifying details. Porn is re-envisioned, but perhaps not fully redeemed. What would the men in his photos say if they knew about this re-purposing of their sex work?

Such soul-searching questions may be addressed indirectly by considering what Mitchell says in his introduction about “felix culpa,” the Latin term for the concept that unfortunate events can lead to a happy outcome:

In Christian theology the felix culpa is the “happy fault” or the “happy fall” and refers to Adam’s sin and the fall from grace that leads to redemption. In the Easter Praeconium it states: O happy fault that won for us so loving and so mighty a Redeemer. In my opinion the fall from grace describes the human condition by which I would like to emphasize that I am not referring to the traditional concept of original sin. But, rather, I am referring to the existential crisis of being which is an inherent part of the human condition. Or, to put it in other words, we as human being do not live in the Unity of the Garden. Rather, we live in the disunity of a fallen, broken world full of conflicting dualities and, within that world of conflicting dualities, we cannot escape the questions posed by our own existence and out own conscious awareness.


“Internal Landscapes”


Internal Landscapes” is an interdisciplinary book that aims to “go beyond traditional queer models of man to man relationships… but find imperfection, love and longing.” Author John Ollom combines memoir, manifesto, poetry, photography, drawings and background documentation on his dance and choreography performances.

The book is spiritual in the broad sense, but it also addresses the process of healing from toxic religion:

“I was raised to be a good Christian. When I was a child, I was told about sin and my separation from god and I need a savior to save me. Consequently, the more I felt my callings of homosexuality, the more separate and alone I felt. Later in life I felt a profound shift in myself when I could embrace my shadow. For me it was my homosexuality,” he writes.

Ollom writes with rare honesty about how he and his students have used the method to address homosexuality, rape and survival through trauma. He is especially compelling when he writes about his own personal journey to face his “shadow” and move beyond the gender binary that splits male from female. The book serves practical purposes for dance and theater practitioners, but it is also an inspirational resource for general readers.

The author states that he no longer believes in the need for an external savior.  But he helps others find saving grace by using movement to get in touch with their inner selves, sometimes in connection with talk therapy. The book describes the “Internal Landscapes” methodology that Ollom developed through 14 years of research, teaching and personal introspection. His method helps people turn emotions into dance and “archetypal movement.” Instead of letting an external source choreograph their movements, they are guided by their own “internal landscape” to move in ways that are artistic -- but also deeply healing.

“Internal Landscapes” includes many artistic photos of nature and (sometimes nude) dance performances organized by Ollom, but unlike “HomoEros,” the photos are all original and there are no speical digital effects. The poetry is written by Ollom and his students, including a memorable poem by theater professor Robert Gross about a man’s divine same-sex erotic encounters with various Greek gods.

Ultimately both “Internal Landscapes” and “HomoEros” grow out of the gay liberation movement’s Radical Faery branch, which sees gay people as members of a distinct culture with a unique anti-authoritarian spirituality that respects the earth and unites spirit-body and male-female dualities. One of the founders of the Radical Faeries is psychologist Mitch Walker, whom Mitchell credits in “HomoEros” as the first to propose that homoerotic love is its own archetype. Walker introduced the idea to a wide audience in his groundbreaking 1977 classic “Men Loving Men: A Gay Sex Guide and Consciousness Book.” The synchronicity of both “HomoEros” and “Internal Landscapes” emerging at the same time in spring 2015 points toward ongoing evolution of gay consciousness.


The beauty of his face
 could raise the dead
from “HomoEros”

The beauty of his face
could raise the dead
and his agony cause stones to bleed
the greatest mystery is he
shaped by mysteries upon mysteries
to look at him is a conversion of faith
to caress his cheek, one becomes betrothed
to kiss his lips, to know the unknown
the warmth of his beard, the comfort of home
his eyes reflect rapture and sacrifice
mirror pools where forever
does the dreamer dream of love
this mystic marriage of two men
the Lover and the Beloved in union again
the heavens open and the angels descend
upon the Son of Man and, us, the sons of men
so is our love a saving grace
that elevates us to the company of saints
“beneath the veil of earthly things”
our love for the beloved
we do Celebrate

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Related links on the Jesus in Love Blog:
Sacred gay union with Christ evoked by music of New-Age “Passion of Mark”

Patrick Cheng: Erotic Christ / Rethinking sin and grace for LGBT people

Hunter Flournoy: Teacher says we are the erotic body of Christ

Eric Hays-Strom: An Erotic Encounter with the Divine

Richard Stott: Gay artist paints “Intimacy with Christ” and reflects on sensual spirituality

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This post is part of the Queer Christ series by Kittredge Cherry at the Jesus in Love Blog. The series gathers together visions of the queer Christ as presented by artists, writers, theologians and others.

Copyright © Kittredge Cherry. All rights reserved.
http://www.jesusinlove.blogspot.com/
Jesus in Love Blog on LGBT spirituality and the arts

Sunday, December 02, 2012

Advent: Queer face of God revealed

“Rainbow Mysteries" photo by Kittredge Cherry

Today marks the first day of Advent, a time of expectant waiting for Christ’s birth. Advent celebrates the mystery of the Word made flesh -- an important concept in queer spirituality.

“This Advent I am reflecting on what it might mean for us as LGBTIQ people to give birth to, and to reveal to the world, the Queer Face of God in our time, and in our culture,” spirituality author Michael Bernard Kelly told the Jesus in Love Blog. He is the author of "The Erotic Contemplative" video/lecture series and Seduced by Grace: Contemporary Spirituality, Gay Experience and Christian Faith.

Kelly will lead an Advent retreat for gay men Dec. 7-9 at Easton Mountain, an interfaith, gay spiritual retreat center in upstate New York. As he was preparing for the retreat, he offered these Advent reflections for readers of the Jesus in Love Blog:

Can we have the trust, the surrender and the courage of Mary, carrying the Divine Word within us in silence and hope, waiting for Divine Love to gestate in our hearts, allowing our bodies, our souls and our life journeys to birth grace for the world? Just as the body of Mary gave flesh, blood and bone to Incarnation of God growing within her, can we, in every choice we make, in every word we say, in every act we perform, and in the surrender of our very selves, give flesh and blood to God’s Word of justice, of inclusion, of embodied joy, and of queer holiness? Can our queer lives become the very revelation of God’s love in our time?

This is the mystery and challenge of Advent – and the great wonder is, this is not a mighty, exhausting project that we have to plan and execute. Rather, this is all about allowing ourselves to become pregnant with God, saying the radical “Yes” that will allow the Holy Spirit to do her own work within us, and trusting utterly that love is always born, moment by moment and breath by breath, in the most unlikely of places and in the most hidden of hearts. May we feel the Divine seed stir within us this Advent and may we rejoice with the queerest joy, as Christ is born for us, through us, within us, and as us.

Another queer way to celebrate Advent is offered by Chris Glaser, a gay Christian minister, activist and author of LGBT spirituality books including Coming Out to God: Prayers for Lesbians and Gay Men, Their Families and Friends. Here is an excerpt from his “Rite for Advent,” published in Equal Rites: Lesbian and Gay Worship, Ceremonies, and Celebrations:

One: The closet may be a fertile place:
creativity bursts out of a lonely hell,
and from a closet fertilized with hope,
the spirit leaps from a monastic cell.

Many: Those born in darkness
have seen life.

One: Out of dark soil sprouts new life,
from darkness springs embodied hope.
Both stretch for the illumination
of the cosmic landscape.

Many: Those born in darkness
have seen life.

One: Dear God,

Many: We seek your Word embodied
in life rooted in fertile darkness.
In life stretching for illumination,
we await your transforming Word.


For more info on the Advent retreat for gay men, visit Easton Mountain Retreat Center (www.eastonmountain.org).
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This post is part of the LGBT Holidays series by Kittredge Cherry at the Jesus in Love Blog. The series celebrates religious and spiritual holidays, holy days, feast days, festivals, anniversaries, liturgical seasons and other occasions of special interest to LGBT and queer people of faith and our allies.

Copyright © Kittredge Cherry. All rights reserved.
http://www.jesusinlove.blogspot.com/
Jesus in Love Blog on LGBT spirituality and the arts



Friday, March 04, 2011

Erotic Christ teacher speaks: We are the erotic body of Christ

Connection with the erotic Christ can heal the wounds of organized religion, give access to the riches of the Christian mystical tradition and lead to union with God.

An experienced teacher on the erotic Christ is Hunter Flournoy, a psychotherapist and shamanic healer who teaches “Erotic Body of Christ” workshops for gay and bisexual men.

He shares his insights in the following in-depth interview with Kittredge Cherry, whose “Jesus in Love” novels imagine an erotically alive Jesus falling in love with people of both sexes.  She founded JesusInLove.org to promote LGBT spirituality and the arts.

Based in North Carolina and New Mexico, Flournoy has been leading workshops and ceremonies in awareness, creativity, healing, passionate living and personal freedom for 19 years. His next Erotic Body of Christ workshop will be March 17-20 at the Kirkridge Retreat Center in Delaware Water Gap, PA. He has just launched a new website, eroticbodyofchrist.org, full of valuable resources for uniting sexuality and spirituality.


Kittredge Cherry: Who is “the erotic Christ”? How does the "erotic Christ" relate to the "historical Jesus" of scholarly research, the gay Jesus or black Jesus of liberation theology, and the traditional Jesus of churches?

Hunter Flournoy: We are Christ, the anointed one, and His Body is our own, as individuals, as a community, and as a world. At one point, the New Testament says, Christ had only one body – the body of Jesus – but he poured out his Spirit on the World, anointing us all, making us His body. That body, in the eastern traditions of Christianity, is a passionately erotic one; our erotic experience is the place we encounter God most directly, and the energy of Eros -- our sensuous experience of pleasure, desire, ecstasy and union . . . is the fuel for our journey of Theosis, or union with God. Eros transfigured through our act of giving ourselves and receiving each other completely, becomes agape. The erotic body of Christ is not a scholastic conceptualization of Jesus – it is a visceral experience of God through our bodies, individually and collectively, modeled by Jesus, lived by the erotic Christian mystics throughout the ages, and felt directly in our own experience.

KC: When and how did you first get involved with the idea of the erotic Christ?

HF: My first intimation of Christ as a living reality in my body goes back to my earliest communion at about age ten. My whole body thrilled when I knelt at the altar rail and the priest’s hand brushed against my own as he pressed the wafer into my palm and lifted the chalice of warm, sweet wine to my lips. I felt that it was Jesus there before me and in me, in everything, penetrating everything and taking it all into him. As I matured, that experience only deepened; every sensation seemed to be infused with a passionately loving presence, and sometimes I would see an astounding light shining out of other peoples’ eyes, kindling bliss in my whole body.

I tried to suppress this unsettling experience for years, since the Christianity of my youth had no room for it. I didn’t realize what a deeply Christian experience it really was until I discovered a small eastern orthodox monastery in New Mexico. There I learned that Christianity had once been something very different: experiential, sensuous, mystical, and profoundly grounded in the sacredness of our bodies and our world. Though many of the eastern churches have more recently become mired in a frightening cultural conservatism, they kept a breathtakingly erotic, incarnational Christianity alive for two thousand years.

KC: Many LGBT people have been wounded by the false teaching that homosexuality is a sin. What message does the erotic Christ have for them?

HF: Our sexual energy is the most powerful tool we have to shatter the illusion of separation, which is what the original Christians meant by “sin.” The essential question we must ask ourselves is, am I using sex to bring myself alive, to overcome separation and incarnate the divine, or am I using it to medicate or avoid my own experience of being alive? This was the original understanding of chastity: it calls us to the highest possible relationship with our own sexual energy. All sexual experience can break down the boundaries and defenses we use to separate ourselves from each other and from God – we become one body, one being. Sex can also teach us how to give ourselves totally (kenosis) to each other, how to receive each other completely (plerosis), and how to surrender to the transfiguring power of our own erotic experience. As LGBT people, we also have an innate understanding that our erotic experience, our pleasure, desire, ecstasy, and union, can serve a purpose other than reproduction. Our erotic joy is a source of profound creativity, deep empathy, and a wild ecstasy that can take us out of who we are into a far greater sense of being.

KC: As you say, the idea of "suffering as Christ suffered" has been abused in legalistic religious systems. But gay bashing and other forms of “crucifixion” continue. How can the erotic Christ help in situations of real human suffering?

HF: There is nothing inherently spiritual or useful in suffering; it is useless to suffer as Jesus suffered. Nor did Jesus advocate cooperating with abuse and injustice. What he advocated and demonstrated – what really matters – is loving as he loved, embracing everything and everyone, including suffering, as Jesus embraced it. Instead of rejecting our suffering, trying to medicate, numb, get rid of it or distract ourselves from it, we learn how to embrace it, without indulging it or running from it. We let our suffering shatter our sense of self, our sense of control, and our need to make sense of the world. This is what the Christian mystics called katharsis. Second, our embrace transforms suffering into a searingly powerful erotic experience . . . it is like a fire that fills our whole being, a great trembling ache that breaks into the profound peace the mystics called theoria. Finally, we discover through this embrace that we are welcoming not only our own suffering, but the world’s suffering . . . we begin to experience ourselves as the world, as Christ’s body, and ultimately as God, in the mystery of theosis.

KC: Your upcoming Erotic Christ workshop is only for gay and bisexual men. Do you see a special connection between the erotic Christ and queer people? How can others (women, straight men) connect with the erotic Christ?

HF: My experience of Christ has always been through this body, which is a male-sexed body primarily attracted to other male-sexed bodies, so I started off creating a workshop grounded in this experience. I have also experienced over the last twenty years of teaching that this is tremendously vulnerable work . . . and until very recently, many of us didn’t feel safe enough in mixed crowds to be so vulnerable. Thank God, this is finally changing . . . I am opening the next introductory workshop, coming up this summer, to trans-men, and I’m working on putting together another workshop that includes everyone. If we really take the incarnation seriously, we cannot identify only with one group of people, distinguished by a particular body or a particular orientation . . . we are all the Erotic Body of Christ.

I would suggest rather emphatically, that Jesus, or Christ, doesn’t have a special connection with anyone . . . but has a unique relationship with everyone! Each person has so much to teach the rest of us about how Christ incarnates through her own body! Queer folk have so much to teach straight folk about Christ, so much to share with them . . . gifts that have been violently suppressed and silenced . . . gifts that the world desperately needs, to bring it back into balance. But “special” gifts? None of God’s lovers are special, but all are passionately loved, and all of us can experience God directly through our own embodied experience. Every sensation, every ripple of pleasure and desire and joy and peace, is a revelation of divine love through our bodies, calling us into God's amorous embrace.

KC: Are you openly gay? (If not, we can omit this question.) The Jesus in Love Blog focuses on LGBT spirituality, so our readers will be interested to know: How did your gay identity influence the development of your ideas about the erotic Christ?

HF: Terms of identity are not so easy as they once were, thank God! I tell people I am a male-sexed transgender person who is sexually attracted to other males – or in some communities, two spirited. It’s a mouthful, but I think it’s important to shatter the boxes we use to delineate “us” and “them.” It’s all just “us.”

My attraction to other males certainly had a profound impact on my experience of Jesus, though; as my communion story (above) illustrates, I’ve always had the hots for Jesus. The funny thing is, though, he doesn’t seem to be satisfied with “just sex.” He wants a lover that puts it all out on the table . . . he wants to make love to everything in our lives, through our own willingness to passionately embrace ourselves, each other, and our world, to pour ourselves out utterly, and to receive the world into ourselves.

KC: What is your religious background? How does it inform your ideas about the erotic Christ?

HF: I was christened Presbyterian, confirmed Episcopalian, baptized, chrismated and tonsured Eastern Orthodox, and ordained in the Amigos de Dios, an ecumenical Christian fellowship. I’ve also spent a great deal of time with healers and elders from many different indigenous and mystical traditions. My direct experience of Christ evolved over many years in all of these traditions, but I didn’t really have a way of expressing it in Christian terms until I discovered the profoundly erotic and mystical teachings of Eastern Orthodoxy. Unfortunately, the church didn’t ultimately have room for my outreach into the LGBT Community or my interfaith work, so I and a few other kindred spirits founded the Amigos de Dios, or Friends of God, and I began to share these teachings, practices, and experiences with others in my workshops and retreats.

KC: What future projects are you planning about the erotic Christ? Be sure to tell us about your upcoming book.

HF: What a joy this process of creation has been! I have offered the introductory workshop, “The Erotic Body of Christ,” once in the four day format, and will be offering it again this month. I have delivered half-day and full-day versions several times, I have created an advanced workshop that will be offered in the fall, and I am in the process of creating an everyone-invited version of the basic workshop. The website is finally up, and I’m hoping the book, The Erotic Body of Christ, will be out by the end of this year. If people are interested, they can go to www.spiritjourneys.com for the four-day workshop, or www.eroticbodyofchrist.org for more in-depth information and other offerings. They can also call me at 828-450-8800, or email me at hunter@newdestinies.com.

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This interview is part of an occasional series on Eros and Christ at the Jesus in Love Blog. Related posts include:

An Erotic Encounter With the Divine
By Eric Hays-Strom

Erotic Christ / Rethinking Sin and Grace for LGBT People
By Patrick Cheng

Click here for the whole Eros and Christ series.

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Eros & Christ: Jesus as lover


[Part of a series on Eros and Christ... Gender studies professor Hugo Schwyzer writes about what happened when he prayed for Jesus to come and “hold me like a lover.”]

By Hugo Schwyzer

Far too often in Christian culture, the erotic and the sacred are kept in separate spaces in the consciousness. Despite the fact that even atheists call on God quite sincerely as they orgasm (is there any more common cry for English-speaking folk as they climax?), we’re unwilling to do the work of really integrating our sexuality with our faith. For too many Christians, integrating sexuality and faith means compiling a list of don’ts which they imagine will demonstrate their fidelity to Jesus: don’t masturbate, don’t have sex outside of heterosexual marriage, don’t talk openly and honestly about sexual feelings. But faith is more about what we do do then what we don’t. Our faith must permeate the sex we have as well as the sex we don’t, or our faith is stuck in a compartment and useless to us.

…. As anyone who has been to an American evangelical prayer service in the last twenty years knows, modern praise and worship music is filled with songs about a romance with Jesus. One of the most important and influential Christian rock bands of the past decade, Jars of Clay, had a hit with a song I adored: Love Song For A Savior.* An excerpt:
He’s more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we’ll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He’ll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we’ll pray,

“I want to fall in love with You”
It’s easy to mock the idea of “Jesus as Lover” as a marketing tool aimed at young Christians struggling to remain loyal to hastily-made purity vows. But it’s an old idea, older even than its most famous practitioner, Saint Teresa of Avila. Teresa wrote of her ecstatic relationship with Christ:
“It is a caressing of love so sweet which now takes place between the soul and God, that I pray God of His goodness to make him experience it who may think that I am lying.”
The idea of Jesus as lover has, perhaps, a more obvious appeal to heterosexual young women, particularly the hormonal and the chaste…. But the idea’s appeal is not limited to women alone. When I first came back to Christ in 1998, I took a vow of temporary celibacy. (I blogged about it here.) During those months where I took a “break,” I worked harder than I ever had before on my relationship with God. And following the suggestion of a woman I knew in my 12-step program who attended the same church I did, I began to pray each night for Jesus to come and “hold me like a lover.”

It was a strange prayer for me to pray. I’ve done a lot of men’s work, and I’ve hugged a lot of guys in my day. I’m clear that my energy is primarily heterosexual; it has been for as long as I remember. But praying this prayer made sense. And at night, often when I was at my exhausted loneliest, falling asleep alone, I would pray: “Jesus, come and hold me now. Let me nestle into you. Pull me against you. I don’t want to be separate from you anymore.” And I would imagine my flesh against his, my heart beating against his heartbeat. It was extraordinarily comforting — and it was charged with a kind of safe sexuality that I had never known in my life, not in my carnal reality or in my active fantasy life.

Sometime into this whole period of celibacy, I remember having a dream where I was caressing Jesus’s broken, post-crucifixion body. I’m not accustomed to homoerotic dreams, but this one was vivid — I could feel the life in Him still, the warmth of His body, I could feel His muscles and His bones and His sweat and His blood. And then, in my dream, Jesus woke up and started touching me. Not genitally (there were no genitals in this dream), but caressing me, the sweat and the heat and the blood still coming off of him. And I started to cry in my dream, crying from relief, and woke up in bed crying. I also woke up aroused. It was a mixture of relief and sexual excitement and almost mystical ecstasy unlike anything I’d ever known. Heck, I read St. Teresa in college. I didn’t get it at 18; at 31 and in the midst of a huge emotional upheaval in my life, a few weeks after I had almost died, I got it. I’ve never had the dream again. I would love to have it again.

I loved that dream, not because I’m sexually drawn to men, but because my love affair with Christ is not merely intellectual or spiritual. Christ came to earth in a body: I am incarnate in a body. My body is good, as is my soul, and the spiritual growth of the latter is not contingent upon the constant mortification of the former. It took me a long time to get that, and it was only once I did get that that I was able to stop living a double life, a life in compartments, a life of public charm and conscientiousness and a private world of shame and deception. Jesus is many things to me: my savior, my homeboy, my best friend, my role model, my God. He is also my lover, in every sense. I don’t cheat on my wife with Jesus. Fidelity to a spouse doesn’t preclude a sense that there is one relationship, just one, that ranks above that one has with a husband or a wife. …I am not bisexual; I am a man who has loved many women, but my truest lover, truer even than my adored wife, is Jesus. I still sometimes call on Him to hold me at night.

…I’m talking about seeing our sexual lives as married people as including Jesus. If Jesus is supposed to be our co-pilot when we drive (as those ridiculous bumperstickers remind us), why is He left out in the hallway when we go into the bedroom to make love with our spouses? In marriage, we are called to fidelity. But while monogamy means no sex with other people, it doesn’t mean a bar on embracing an intense and rich sexuality that includes Christ.

Every marriage is a triangle, with Jesus at the top as head and the two spouses below as equal points on the bottom of that triangle. Each partner in the marriage is equal to the other; each has a separate and unique relationship with Christ. In a sense, I have two lovers: my wife and Christ. And that relationship with Christ involves inviting Him into every single aspect of our lives. And if we take Him seriously as “closer than a brother,” then we need to see Him in our sexuality as well. For some of us, that will simply mean learning to face Jesus without shame. For others of us, it will be inviting Him to hold us close. And for some of us, gay and straight, men and women alike, it means a willingness to embrace Him as the truest and best of lovers. For me, at least in one dream I have never forgotten, that meant being enfolded in His arms, His skin on me, both of us bathed in His blood, His sweat, and my tears.

I have no shame in saying that I often long for that magical dream to return.
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Hugo Schwyzer is a community college history and gender studies professor, animal rights activist and Episcopal youth minister in California. A longer version of this post first appeared in his blog at HugoSchwyzer.net. Click here for the original version. This edited version is reprinted with permission Hugo Schwyzer.

Image credit: Baptism of Christ from Wikimedia Commons
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*A concert video of “Love Song for a Savior” by the Christian rock band Jars of Clay will be posted here soon as the Eros and Christ series continues.